Discovery
by The Palindrome
Summary: Harry has fallen into a deep depression after Sirius' death. He needs love and support, but pushes everyone away. Can anyone get through to him? What will he discover about himself and others?
1. Chapter 1

Harry groaned as he rolled over and promptly onto the floor from his bed. He rubbed the temples of his already aching head. He opened his bleary eyes, blinking in the semi-darkness that occurred just before the sun peeked over the horizon. He stood up on his slightly unsteady feet and stumbled clumsily to his desk where he had placed his glasses the night before. He looked to the door of his small bedroom on the back of which hung a piece of parchment that had been turned into a homemade calendar.  
  
July 30th.  
  
The next day would be his birthday. He couldn't help but wince as his heart twisted inside of his ribcage.  
  
Cage indeed. He, like his heart, was in a cage. A cage that he was told was meant to protect him from the evils of the world. He almost laughed bitterly at the absurdity of it.  
  
Almost.  
  
He didn't need to be protected. No, it was the world that needed to be protected from the bad.  
  
Protected from him.  
  
After all, anyone near him got hurt.  
  
Or died.  
  
Died like his parents, or Cedric, or Sirius...  
  
Sirius.  
  
Tears unwillingly filled his bloodshot, emerald eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. He had cried enough. He had cried everyday of his summer holiday and he was tired of crying. He was tired of hurting. He was tired of the voices telling him it was his entire fault. He was tired of being left alone. He was tired of being left behind.  
  
He was always left behind, sheltered. And whenever he managed to escape from his cage, he always fucked up royally. And of course, when he messed up, someone else always paid for it. There were no consequences for the flipping Boy-Who-Lived.  
  
That was why he held onto the pain.  
  
He hated the pain. Hated every minute of agony he put himself through, yet he savored it.  
  
He savored the feeling of thorns digging into his raw heart. He couldn't help but feel a sense that his pain was right. He deserved every moment of it.  
  
He deserved being alone on his birthday, presentless.  
  
He deserved to be isolated from everyone, even Hedwig (who was at the Weasleys), if it meant that he didn't hurt them.  
  
Harry shook himself from his thoughts as the glass of the window had begun to rattle from his suppressed emotion. He let himself go through the motions of a summer morning, not aware of the world around him.  
  
He went downstairs and made breakfast (an apple and a package of Pop-Tarts) for himself quickly before heading out to the Dursley's backyard. He ate beneath a tall tree, watching the sun as its warn rays penetrated the darkness of twilight.  
  
That was what he needed. He needed a sun to fight back the darkness inside of his soul. He needed an angel to save him, if he was even worth saving anymore.  
  
Harry snorted.  
  
Did he really think an angel would even consider saving him? He was, most definitely, going to Hell if such a place existed.  
  
Harry spent an hour or so watching the sunrise. Just as the last of the glowing star had jumped over the horizon, he got up from the dew soaked grass.  
  
He made his way to the small gardening shed in the corner of the Dursley's yard. He opened the door slowly and surveyed its contents. He would be working in the front yard today. He picked up several choice gardening tools and carried them through the gate separating the front and back yards. He knelt in the damp soil of a flowerbed and sunk a trowel into the earth.  
  
He worked until the sun was beating down relentlessly above him. He looked up as he wiped his sweat-drenched brow. The heat was intense. He struggled with his shirt for a moment, until it was over his head and lying in the grass beside him. He looked at it for a moment before twisting it and tying it around his head. His stomach rumbled, but Harry ignored it. He set to work once again, losing himself in his task like he did everyday.  
  
Some people would look upon him and say it was an outlet for his emotions. They, of course, would only be partially correct because no matter how hard or often Harry worked; he always kept part of his emotions to himself. Burying himself in physical activity helped him to tolerate his feelings, but he never let them go. He didn't deserve to.  
  
  
  
The next day, Harry woke up in a similar fashion to the day before. He rarely had nightmares anymore due to his effort of keeping his mind empty. He only allowed himself a few seconds to celebrate the fact that he was now sixteen years old, before he prepared himself for another day of work.  
  
The Dursleys, as per usual, ignored him and avoided any contact. They left around noon for some reason or another that they didn't feel he needed to know.  
  
Not that he cared.  
  
He was totally immersed in his work when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He hadn't been touched by another human being since the day he had left Hogwarts and had been hugged goodbye by Mrs. Weasley. He froze automatically, willing them to leave. He heard a muffled sound in his usually quiet world. The sound became clearer and punctuated by someone shaking him.  
  
"Harry? Harry, can you hear me? Are you okay Harry?" a voice asked. A voice he recognized. A voice that belonged to a person who had held him back as his Godfather had disappeared behind the whispering veil. It was a tired voice and the last link to his parents he had left.  
  
Harry turned slowly. Remus Lupin stood behind him, hand still on his shoulder. His face had a surprised expression, probably from Harry's appearance. Harry hadn't looked in a single mirror for nearly a month, after all. It was too painful.  
  
"Professor?" Harry asked his voice raspy and slightly squeaky from disuse.  
  
"H-Harry? Are you okay?" Lupin asked, concern evident in his voice.  
  
"I don't know," Harry replied truthfully.  
  
From behind Remus, stepped Moody and a few others that Harry didn't recognize.  
  
"Let's get moving, Lupin," the scarred man said.  
  
"Where?" Harry asked emotionlessly, while inside he was confused.  
  
"We're going to Diagon Alley to get your supplies and Albus felt you might want to get out of your relative's house," Lupin answered gently.  
  
Harry just stared at them, trying to control the urge to run away. Finally he replied.  
  
"I don't want anyone to get hurt," he said. "You better go." He closed his eyes to keep them from tearing up. He didn't want them to leave, but he didn't want them to get hurt even more. As he fought inside himself, he began to lose control of his magic. It had happened quite often this summer and he desperately tried to control it as a huge gust of wind began to swirl around his body.  
  
"Harry," he heard the werewolf say, "don't do this. You need to get out. No one will get hurt. You're safe. Everyone here is safe." Remus' voice got quieter, so only Harry could hear him. "S-Sirius would want you to get out. He wouldn't want you to mourn, only to remember him. Why don't you go get washed up Harry? There are some things we need to discuss after Diagon Alley."  
  
Harry's eyes filled with tears at the mention of his Godfather and he felt hatred for himself rip through his heart. He knew Remus was right, though, and nodded, not letting a single tear escape.  
  
"I'll help you get ready," Remus said caring laced in his voice.  
  
All Harry could do was nod once more.  
  
A/N: AHHHHH!!!!!! How angsty was that? It should get better as the story progresses. *Gulp* I hope... This is just something I wrote when I was bored and I will continue if I get enough reviews to satisfy my ego. I don't know how long it will be for an update. It is up to the keyboard gods I suppose. Well, I would appreciate it if you would review, no matter how much this sucks.  
  
To Abbey: HAH! I wrote something! But now I have to update... DARN!  
  
Please review!  
  
......................................................raincoats............. ........................................... 


	2. Chapter 2

Remus watched Harry climb the stairs to his bedroom, his brow furrowed. He could smell the pain surrounding the raven-haired boy; the air around him saturated with the heavy scent. Something was very, very wrong. This wasn't just grief, but something much more intense. When he had first seen the boy's face, he had noticed the deep frown lines that hadn't been there before. Remus decided the two of them definitely need to talk, and soon.  
  
As these troubling thoughts ran through the werewolf's head, Harry rummaged through his dumpy particle board dresser. If he were going out, he would need a shower first and then a change of clothes. He eyed the hand-me-down clothes in his dresser critically before picking out a slightly faded green shirt that reached his thighs and a pair of worn blue jeans that were so old, they nearly fit Harry's slight frame without the aid of a belt. His forehead creased in thought as he tried to remember what it was he was forgetting. It came to him after a moment of thought and he grabbed a pair of boxers out of the bottom drawer.  
  
Harry turned when he sensed someone in the doorway. Remus was studying the room thoughtfully with a small frown of disapproval on his tired face. Harry swept his eyes over his sparsely furnished abode, but didn't see anything wrong with his room. It was, after all, quite clean, or at least, as clean as a teenage boy's room can be.  
  
"Is something wrong?" he asked, more than a bit self-conscious.  
  
Remus just shook his head no and focused on Harry's face. "No Harry, I just thought... nevermind," he mumbled.  
  
Harry felt a small wave of anger wash over him, resentful that Lupin wouldn't tell him what was wrong. No one ever did and it drove Harry absolutely batty. "You know you can tell me. It's not like I would take any offense," he said bitterly before adding, "No one ever tells me anything and I hate it." Unfortunately his words sounded somewhat childish, even to his own ears.  
  
Lupin looked at him for a long moment, wondering if Harry would regret his words, before saying quietly, "I can't help but think of how much more you deserve than this. You deserve to live with better accommodations and more importantly, people who love, or at least like, you. S-Sirius wanted so much more for you and I do too. I may not know you as well as I wish I do, but you deserve more."  
  
Harry looked at him quietly before replying, "Don't get yourself worried about me." He strode toward the door and Remus stepped aside, his eyes betraying his confusion. Harry turned toward Remus and said in a weary voice, "I'm going to take a shower. Make yourself at home," before continuing down the hall toward the bathroom.  
  
Harry emerged through the bathroom door a while later, scrubbing at his wet locks with a towel. Surprisingly, his clothes nearly fit his body. All of the labor he had done for all but the first two weeks of holidays had given him tight, lean muscles. He was still quite thin, especially since he rarely ate more than two scant meals a day.  
  
Harry's first two weeks of summer were very busy. When he had first stepped into his room, it had been covered with a year's worth of filth. After he had dusted and vacuumed every inch of his tiny cage, commonly known as his bedroom, he had sat on the edge of his dingy bed and stared off at an invisible point. His thoughts had drifted to many unpleasant events in his life and his soul had nearly broken with the weight of these thoughts. He had decided he needed a distraction, no matter how temporary. He had thrown himself into his homework, re-doing each assignment until it was nearly twice as long as expected and as perfect as he was capable of making it. After he had completed all of his homework, he had read each of his textbooks thoroughly until each was nearly memorized. He had re-copied every set of notes he had ever taken and had even written out some new ones. He would work until the wee hours of the morning, when he was too exhausted to dream about anything at all. Once he had reviewed all he had ever done at Hogwarts, he had found his time empty and silent. The silence had been a hair's breadth from driving him insane when he had distantly heard his aunt complaining about how the weeds were invading her garden faster than she could pull them. He hadn't questioned how he could have heard her all the way in the kitchen from his bedroom, just as he hadn't questioned any of the other queer things that had been happening around him lately. From then on he had worked in any way that would keep him busy and out of the way of his guardians while hopefully taking away some of the burden that he was.  
  
Harry walked slowly toward his bedroom, tucking his wand, which he took with him everywhere, in his pocket.  
  
As soon as he had passed over the threshold, Remus asked, "Ready to go then?"  
  
Harry did his best to muster all the enthusiasm he could for someone leading a group of people into almost certain danger just by being there and replied, "Yeah. Let's hit the road."  
  
The werewolf looked at him funny and for a moment Harry didn't know what was wrong. After a few seconds, realization dawned on the Gryffindor boy and Harry smiled a shadow of what his true smile had once been, as though he had nearly forgotten how. "Muggle saying," he said by way of explanation.  
  
Remus just shook his head, bewildered once again by the oddities of non- magical folk. He knew quite a bit about muggles, but they never ceased to amaze him with their odd phrases. He'd have to remember that one. He kept his thoughts to himself, though, as he motioned for Harry to follow him until they reached the sitting room that was currently being put to use by the squad of aurors (all of which were most likely off duty and really belonged to the Order) that would escort them to Diagon Alley.  
  
"Before I forget, Harry, I need you to put this on," Remus said, holding out a green handkerchief. "If you put it around your head like muggles apparently do," he said skepticism evident, "then people will be less likely to recognize you and your scar."  
  
Harry did as he was told; happy he wouldn't be the center of attention.  
  
"All right, then. Let's go. Harry you and Remus will use the second portkey. The rest of us will go first to secure the location," Mad-Eye Moody said in his gruff, no-nonsense growl.  
  
Harry nodded in reply and watched the aurors/Order members portkey to Diagon Alley.  
  
"Ready Harry?" the werewolf asked.  
  
"Yeah," Harry replied, reaching for the stuffed bear that Lupin held out. He felt the familiar, yet not very welcome, pull behind his navel as his feet left the ground. After a moment, Harry felt the ground rush toward him before he was steadied by his former professor's hand.  
  
"All right there Harry?" Lupin asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Harry looked at his surroundings and realized he was in a small alley tucked right next to Diagon Alley. His guard stood at the point where the two alleys merged, eyeing the large crowd for possible threats.  
  
"Where would you like to go first?"  
  
"Ummm... I don't know. I never got my Hogwarts letter. I assume you have it," Harry replied his statement sounding more like a question.  
  
"Oh!" Lupin jumped reaching into his pocket. "Yes, yes. I have it right here."  
  
Remus handed the slightly crumpled envelope to Harry who skimmed through its contents until he reached his supply list. The list was rather long and he didn't think he had enough money for everything. He decided they ought to go to Gringotts first in order to withdraw some money.  
  
"Gringotts, I guess."  
  
They entered the bustling crowd and started their day out. The two of them shopped for everything required and the Order members seemed to fade into the background. Nobody recognized Harry, for which he was thankful, and he found he was actually enjoying himself for the first time that summer. He even smiled once in a while and talked about unimportant matters with his sandy haired companion. After they had bought all of Harry's school supplies, they wandered aimlessly for a while. At about 5:00, Remus asked Harry if he would like to join him for dinner at the Leaky Cauldron before they portkeyed home. Naturally, Harry accepted, seeing no harm and not wanting to be rude.  
  
As they sat at the bar, waiting for their food, Remus asked the question Harry had been subconsciously dreading all afternoon.  
  
"How have you been holding up Harry."  
  
Harry took a sip of his butterbeer, stalling for time to come up with an adequate answer. As he racked his brain for a truthful, yet positive answer, Harry noticed a commotion in a corner of the pub. It appeared there was a party of some sort going on. All of a sudden he heard a gasp from a nearby booth and a shout that made his blood run cold.  
  
"Ahh! Werewolf! Get him!"  
  
A/N: I would like to thank my beta, Abbey, for her help. I hope you guys like this chapter. This was supposed to be longer, but I really wanted to update. I'm sorry if that last line was bad. I'll consider any suggestions anyone might have. I live for feedback! Please review! 


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